1. You can 100% quit eating processed foods and not die.

2. The chemicals in processed foods are numerous, many are known carcinogens. I do not advocate diets in the sense that you refer. I do advocate the adoption of a healthy lifestyle, which includes unprocessed foods, exercise and recovery.

3. Again, I do not advocate diets in the sense that you refer. Weight Watchers is a business, they have a vested interest in repeat customers.

4. I certainly do not argue “that we should stop fat people from eating in front of us…” but I do invite you to read “The spread of obesity in a large social network over 32 years” Christakis, NA, Fowler, JH. Department of Health Care Policy, Harvard Medical School, Boston, MA 02115, USA. The New England Journal of Medicine.

5. My point about addiction to smoking is that, just like unhealthy lifestyles, there are many reasons and many contributing factors, the majority of which can be at least be helped by education on the issue.

6. You seem to assume any comment is a snide comment. I do agree telling someone that “smoking stinks” is not very helpful, but telling someone that “I am worried about your health, I want you to live a long and healthy life and I can help you” can be the open door that person needs.

While I will reiterate, I do not agree with being rude to anyone, for any reason, it is my business – it is all of our business. From healthcare costs to choices in the supermarket to classes taught to our children in school – the health and lifestyles of society’s majority dictates many things.

You ARE being rude when you offer an unsolicited opinion on another adult’s body, their health or their lifestyle. You are being rude when you assume that you have the right to have your version of the “truth” about how people should be accepted by other people. If you are being honest about not wanting to be rude, I would encourage you to stay out of other people’s bodies. It’s none of your business.

I can imagine a reader thinking the above is not comparable because second hand smoke is dangerous – to that I would point out that studies have proven an individual will incorporate the habits of the group – thus if one keeps the company of obese people, one will tend to become obese. If I can tell someone not to smoke in my work place because I am afraid of the potential ill-effects of second-hand smoke, can I tell someone not to be obese in the workplace because I am afraid of the potential ill-effects of excess weight I am likely to gain due to my unwitting adoption of accepted social behaviours?

How did we turn the corner on the ‘smoking epidemic’? We certainly did not keep silent and arm smokers with the ability to squash every suggestion they quit by crying bully.

We took a many pronged approach to educated the masses that the product, used as directed, may kill you. In this case the product is food, and maybe it is time processed food came with explicit, picture accompanied warnings of what continued use of these products may do.

Keeping silent, not speaking for fear your comments will be heard as ‘fat shaming’ and hoping the problem goes away just won’t work. I wish you, and our society in general, good luck.

And, just for the record, I don’t agree with being rude to anyone, for any reason.

I do have a question about the use of the term obese in this article, though. Isn’t obesity sort of, well, unhealthy by definition? Fat does not equal obese, but the terms seem to be used rather interchangeably here.

I’m aware there’s some controversy about the way we determine obesity. If those concerns were resolved, then would obesity be separate from fat? It really should be now; one is a body type. One is a serious and potentially deadly health issue.

To use the comparison in the article, I feel like if fat shaming is saying like saying, “Spend less, earn more” to someone living in crushing poverty, then politely addressing obesity to someone you care about is like telling someone who is unemployed that hey, I know the job market’s really tough out there, but you gotta keep looking and not just give up.

I’m always a little confused when these terms get so muddled together and emotionally bound up with each other, because, like the article says, you can be healthy or unhealthy at any weight. I have always been very slender, but I have not always been healthy. And I’d own up to it, too. “How do you stay so skinny?” “Uh, genetics. I’m actually 95 pounds of pure flab. Don’t congratulate me.” I hated it, because I knew I was underweight, headed for health issues, and would get winded jogging around the block; it just felt so stupid that someone would extoll that as some kind of virtue.

My sister, by contrast, has always had a good 30 lbs on me (we’re the same height). And she was gorgeous and healthy and ‘vibrant’ when we were teens. She was unfortunately self-conscious about her size (thank you, mass media!), but I could see that most other people didn’t really notice it because she’s gorgeous. I know a few of her friends even commented when she tried severe dieting at a young age. They couldn’t quite put their finger on it, didn’t know if she was dieting or sick or what, but they knew she looked kind of pinched, less like her beautiful self. As her sister, I couldn’t say anything without sounding judgemental, but quietly rejoiced when she listened to them, stopped restricting her food and just enjoyed her normal healthy lifestyle again.

My mother is incredibly defensive about her body type. She’s sort of a body positive champion through a chip on her shoulder, if that makes sense. And she and my sister have both gained massive amounts of weight over the last seven or so years living together after we graduated high school. It isn’t healthy, and they both know it on some level. If nothing else, they both know that some of their recently-appearing health problems are related to their weight. But both are very outspoken about bigots and fat shaming to the point where no one can say a word without being screamed at.

And perceived slights are just as bad. I’ve always known that, as someone who is naturally slender, nothing I say on the subject of health will be welcomed or accepted, because I’ve never been overweight. But ever since I went to college out of state and started working out myself, I can’t even suggest going on a bike ride — not even to exercise, just to hang out and have fun on a nice day — or eating a salad (I also just like salad, but I’ve learned not to offer to make one when I visit home!) without being accused of bigotry, because my mom reads thin privilege articles about how unfair it is to be offered a salad by such a terrible, judging person as her daughter. For a good while, my dad’s daily gym visit was seen as a version of silent shaming, but thankfully we’ve all managed to work through that.

To go back to the job analogy, I’d never tell a homeless person to “man up and get a job, bum!” I have no idea what his/her personal situation is, and it’s also none of my business. But if my 20-something kid were flat-out refusing to even look for a job, and freaked out at me if I asked them just to try, telling me “Generation Y is just screwed, there’s nothing I can do, it’s the environment of the decade, how dare you?” then it’d be a different story. (I draw that comparison because I am that 20-something kid who scrambled for literally years to latch onto a budding career, and I did need to be reminded to just try sometimes. Occasionally with a little bit of tough love from people who cared about me.)

I’m not trying to justify discrimination. At least, I don’t think I am. I know as a secondhand observer, at least, how tearing someone down makes things worse. And it breaks my heart when someone is judged by their size alone. But I can’t help but wonder if it’s OK to soften the concept of obesity so much that it’s meaningless, and equate drawing caring attention to a genuine problem with being a hateful bigot. I know it’s complicated, because there’s a spectrum and there’s overlap, but this one or the other mentality isn’t working.

Emotions run high here — everyone wants validation and to feel beautiful and loved. And I am struggling to find the space where the women in my family will believe me if I tell them that they are beautiful at any healthy size, and that right now, they are not a healthy size, and hey, there’s help available. (And not just tell me I’m a ‘skinny bitch,’ but I’d be OK with all the snide comments in the world if it meant fewer health problems for them.) I want them to know that I’d be there to support the both of them in returning to health in any way I could, even if it was just to stay the hell out of the way. Right now I’m doing all the staying out of the way, but none of the actual helping; my hands are tied by this either-or.

Either I stay totally silent and watch them get sicker and sicker, or I’m a terrible bigot.

I’m a little bit afraid that this push back against fat shaming that I see more and more often lately — which is so needed, don’t get me wrong — through its extreme inclusiveness can create this defensive solidarity wall against change, something to point to and say, “see, you’re just fat shaming me, there’s a term for it and everything.” When no, I’m not. I’m concerned for someone who is ill. And while ultimately, it’s up to a person to change or not, an honest dialogue is pretty much required.

In closing, this is a great guest article. My concerns are only around using the terms fat and obese interchangeably. It is NEVER OK to judge a stranger, and it is NEVER OK to tell someone that their health is secondary to their appearance, that they “should” be thinner when they sure as hell shouldn’t be.

Where’s the judgement in assuming that overweight people want to be healthy and vibrant? Wouldn’t you assume the same to be true of thin people, morbidly obese people, ultra-fit and gorgeous people, etc. Aren’t those pretty awesome goals?

Those are my goals and, err … surprisingly those are even the exact exact words I use to describe my goals.

Being vibrant is being energetic + visible happy
Being healthy is pretty, well … great … no?