The One Without a Title

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Here are a few things people have said about, and directly to, me over the last couple years that I’ve been blogging here.

There are a lot more. I couldn’t put them all because the words would have completely covered me up and you wouldn’t have been able to see who was in the picture.

Which is sort of what those words are designed to do.

Cover you up. Hide you. Make you invisible. Make you not exist.

No one benefits from the status quo. No one. Not even people who appear to conform to a cultural ideal of beauty. There is always a way that they are wrong. A way they are undeserving. A way to silence and dismiss them. No one wins. Ever.

The vast majority of these comments were made by other women. We will NEVER, EVER make any progress past this point if we keep fighting each other.

We are all in this together.






39 thoughts on “The One Without a Title

  1. Great post!!! you have all my sympathy and my love! You’re a fighter and I admire you for it! Thank you for resisting!

  2. People who believe lies, lie. These are all lies said to you and about you. Thanks for being strong enough to let them roll off you – we follow your example to the voices in our own heads. I’m built just like you, and your body and your awesomeness helps me respect myself. I get a little stronger every day. :) xoxo

  3. Strong women become targets…especially against each other. I admired your strength – your tenacity and the ability to continue. Thank you for keeping me on track and helping me believe in myself.

  4. From an evolution/natural selection standpoint it makes sense that the majority of hurtful comments come from women and not men, as in a natural setting a woman wants to gather as many scarce resources as possible for her own children rather than the children of other women, hence the “Me Not Her” approach.

    In the alternative a woman who does not yet have children would want to employ the same approach in hopes of being the one to have children in the future.

    In anthropology, limited good is the theory commonly held in traditional societies that there is a limited amount of “good” to go around. In other words, the amount of land, money, etc. available is held to be finite, so every time one person profits, another loses.


    Also I think quite a few of those insults directed at you came from persons who are seriously mentally ill, the internet is full of them.

  5. You are doing wonderfully! You are a witty inspiration to me. Let’s see a picture with all the positive sayings now!?

  6. As distressing as it is to see anyone say such things to another person for any reason, knowing that weight/food/etc. etc. somehow makes it all right to cross such lines is so sad–I mean, it’s angering, too, but I think, what terrible, terrible pain and sadness must such people carry in their hearts and minds. Congrats to you for staying above that fray and honoring your commitment to what is real and important. It’s so ridiculously easy to squander our lives–making something of them takes real courage and vision.

  7. All of the negative talk comes from a place of fear. Those folks fear that they cannot and do not deserve to look and feel good…for what ever reason. So instead of looking inward and figuring out how to make themselves feel better, it is easier to try to make you feel bad. Haters gonna hate. Personally I look at you as a role model.

  8. Here are a few different words I’d prefer to use for you: role model, voice of sanity, strong and confident woman. Thanks for taking the hits that are helping so many of us to heal.

  9. The strength you’ve shown in the picture, of body, mind, and soul, is an excellent example of what we should strive for. Putting others down does not lift us up, and if I see someone working hard, whether they are fit or overweight, I don’t have the right to try and take that away from them. You never know what other people are struggling with, and I’m sure your message above will help someone realize that in spite of such ugly words, they are, in fact, a beautiful and wonderful person. How boring would the world be if we were all the same? My hat’s off to you!

  10. Honey, u look great. Those comments reflect the commenters own insecurities. They prefer to take u down rather then admit to their own failures. Keep up the blogging.

  11. I love your real, simple, and true words of this post. And it reminded me of a saying I strongly agree with: “Women build each other up. Girls tear each other down.”

    Keep on building. And thank you. :)

  12. I think you are incredibly beautiful.

    If we all look at ourselves as a painting, and rather than judging another by what they paint, we would all be better off, because we are all in this together.

  13. I don’t have the right words – ones powerful enough – to express how much I appreciate what you do, every day. Not only for myself, but for hundreds of other people. Many of us would never have thought to stop saying those things to OURSELVES if we had not met you. I wish people could just find something they enjoyed and focus on that instead of being hateful, but until that day comes I pray to the molecules of all the strong women and men that have come before us that float in the atmosphere you continue to be strong and keep sharing the truth. Long live science!

    • Jen beautifully said what I was thinking, so I’ll just tag onto her response. We are all in this together and I hope that someday we will realize that life is not a competition. We are all struggling, and we need to help each other out, not push people down. As Jen said, thank you for all that you do Amber. You’ve helped me and others so very much.

  14. This reminds me of one of my favorite quotes from Helen Keller (a strong woman indeed!) “Keep your face to the sun and you cannot see the shadows.” Keep your light shining strong, you brighten many lives!

  15. You are fearfully and wonderfully made and the fact that you walk in the truth of who you are will always draw attention-both negative and positive. Unfortunately, the world we live in promotes a great deal of “hateration”. In my commitment to promote fabulous women and support fierce girls, I express my gratitude for your authenticity and the inspiration that yields to others. Keep on keepin on!!!!! :)

  16. You’re awesome…one thought that comes to mind…if grown-ass women are making these types of comments, does anyone wonder why so many of our young people are cruel and degrading bullies? I’m certain, without a doubt, that people make snarky comments about me but thanks to people like you, always building me up, I am better equipped to take them!

  17. Keep up the good work. You serve as an inspiration to those of us who are self confident enough to recognize your strength and beauty.

  18. You changed my life for the better. I found you at a time in my life that I was stuck in a deep dark hole. And slowly but surely with your post and experience you helped me get out of it. I am finally healthy mentally and physically it’s getting better every day. Keep fighting the good fight cause their are millions of people that need your help. xoxox

  19. This shows very clearly how everything we see and experience is colored by our own perceptions and insecurities. How can there possibly be such contradictory opinions about one person?! A “whale” AND “anorexic?” To one person you are too small, and to another person you are not small enough. This just makes me not care even more about what other people might be thinking about my body. What they think is more of a reflection on them than it is on me.

  20. Wow, I would never think anyone would make those comments about you. I just want you to know that you are an inspiration to me and many others! I really appreciate what you do! Just keep being you!

    • “I would never think anyone would make those comments about you. ”

      Exactly. No one is spared from words like these. And they hurt all of us.

      Thank you. :)

  21. I’m just adding my voice to the chorus. Nothing is as important to our growth as women and as people to stop passing judgement on other women! Thanks for the simple and effective post and your work helping others realise their true potential :)

  22. Can’t believe anyone could say those things to you, people are horrid and disrespectful, they hide behind their computer screen as if they have the right…..because they are so perfect hmmmmm

  23. Funny how different people can see you as too thin and some see you as too fat. This is why I don’t give a crap about what other people think of me. Not that you should give a crap what I think, but I think you look AMAZING! Strong and athletic!

  24. I’d love you to put up a pic with all the great things people say about you, on here, on your FB page, on ETF, not just on how you look, but on how you inspire us every day. Too often we ignore or negate compliments and focus on the negative comments people make, though they may be much less frequent. Ignore the trolls and keyboard warriors, don’t give them the power. Show us some of the great stuff Guru, I dare you!

  25. As we often say in Ireland “fuck the begrudgers”. Its their loss if they can’t see you for what you are..real, strong, beautiful and inspirational!

  26. You are so effing awesome! I love how you tackle this nonsense head on. Don’t ever stop.

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