How to be an ALPHA MALE

Here's what comes up in a google image search of 'alpha male'.

Here’s what comes up in a google image search of ‘alpha male’.

There is a growing movement of men who want to ‘take back masculinity’, to reassert their biological directive to be ALPHA MALES. It’s easy to find ebooks on ‘Making Any Woman Want to Sleep With You’, ‘Become The Alpha’ etc. There are even yearly conferences where men gather to learn from other men how to be MANLY MEN, free the inner caveman, dominate women and control their manly destiny.

As best as I can tell there are 3 main desirable characteristics of ALPHA MALES:

  1. Alpha males GET LAID OFTEN.

  2. Alpha males are DESIRED by women and RESPECTED by men.

  3. Alpha males LOOK LIKE MEN, with broad shoulders and visible muscle mass.

Now, I happen to embody all of these characteristics. I’m happily married and no one’s complaining in the bedroom, if you know what I mean. Wink wink, nudge nudge. I’ve had more than my share of propositions from women, and I have a large following of respectful men. Many a dude bro and low-carb blogger has told me I LOOK LIKE A MAN. Apparently I am a ALPHA MALE. So, I decided to write a guide to being an ALPHA MALE. You can thank me later.

Instead of the usual fare I listed above though, I’ve decided to get into the REAL nitty gritty of being an Alpha Male. So, without further ado, here are some of the keys to being an ALPHA MALE:

  1. ALPHA MALES make the people around them feel safe. This is probably the most important aspect of being an ALPHA MALE. ALPHA MALES create this environment of safety by defending other people against bullying, aggression and ridicule. If the ALPHA MALE sees another person being made fun of, he jumps in and STICKS UP FOR THEM. When people feel worried and stressed, the ALPHA MALE determines how he can help them out, and then does it. This usually means ASKING the person what would help the most. The Alpha Male is the one who looks out for the safety and well being of the group. The Alpha Male is the one people look to when they are scared. The ALPHA MALE sets himself up as a bastion of safety by simply being calm and kind and protective of his friends and other vulnerable people.

  2. ALPHA MALES do not create needless conflict. ALPHA MALES don’t run around starting arguments. ALPHA MALES mind their own business and create an atmosphere of calmness and safety for the people around them. An ALPHA MALE won’t back down from a threat to the safety and well being of a vulnerable person or themselves, but they don’t go out trying to manufacture conflict. ALPHA MALES also don’t bother with other males who are lower in the hierarchy. Sure, those lesser males will come around thumping their chests and boasting about how manly they are, but an ALPHA MALE knows these lesser males aren’t a threat and doesn’t waste his time engaging with them ' unless they threaten or ridicule another person. Then the ALPHA MALE will come to the defense of the other person.

  3. A true ALPHA MALE does not need to tell anyone he is an ALPHA MALE. It is clear from the moment he walks into a room that he is an ALPHA MALE. He brings with him an air of calmness and peace. His presence puts others at ease and makes them feel safe. The men running around making noise and aggressively telling people they are ALPHA MALES are not ALPHA MALES ' and everyone knows it. There is no bigger clue that a man is a beta (or lower) than bluster, chest thumping and ridiculing others.

  4. An ALPHA MALE makes women feel valued and appreciated. He does this by listening to them, showing an interest in their lives and their interests, defending them against ridicule and aggression, and being kind to their friends and family. Oh, and also by NOT RAPING THEM. The ALPHA MALES who make women feel valued and appreciated are the ones getting all the tail. Want to get laid regularly? Be the kind of man a woman wants to sleep with every day for the rest of her life. Women don’t want to sleep with beta males who run around making fools of themselves telling everyone how manly they are. Women see right through that shit. And if you have to rape someone to get laid, you are most assuredly NOT an ALPHA MALE.

  5. ALPHA MALES put the well being of the group ahead of their own interests. That is the ALPHA MALE’S job: being the leader, the protector, and the rock. If a man’s primary interest is his own penis, he is not an ALPHA MALE. If a man is more worried about his appearance or his public persona than he is about the happiness and safety of those around him, he is not an ALPHA MALE.

  6. An ALPHA MALE does not ridicule or denigrate women. It belies an insecurity and deep fear that women pick right up on. Women do not want to sleep with men who are afraid of women. It’s just not manly.

Real ALPHA MALES are incredibly appealing, to both men and women. I am enormously fortunate to know several ALPHA MALES. I hold them in considerable esteem. And they are, as one would expect, successful in both vocation and their relationships with women. These men get laid. A lot. And they get paid. A lot. Because they move through the world in a way that makes the people around them feel secure, valued and safe.

If you want to be a true ALPHA MALE, stop listening to the clowns thumping their chests and making all the noise about how manly they are. They are fools, and they will drag you right down into their nonsense and bluster.

Watch men like Melkor, and and Sean Flanagan, and Mike Howard, and Andrew Dixon. These men NEVER tell people they are alpha males. Because they don’t have to. People just know.

These are the real ALPHA MALES.


13 thoughts on “How to be an ALPHA MALE

  1. Haha awesome post- and very true! My dad is an alpha male of this sort, everyone wants him to run their committees, tell them how to do things and generally be around. It was wonderful growing up with a dad like that, but I hope to develop my abilities to a bit of an alpha male myself as I get older '? (Though I won’t tell my boyfriend I think that!)

  2. This alpha male stuff if for very young men, by the time a man is all growed up he doesn’t give a rat’s ass about it.

    Young men go through various phases, there was a time when I wore a skinny leather tie.

  3. That was just awesome. I follow all but 2 of those alpha males (and you, of course). Off to follow the two I’ve missed!

  4. I came here expecting the usual man-shaming and man-hating one would expect from this kind of title, but instead I was pleasantly surprised.

  5. Well, you are describing maybe an ALPHA PERSON–or as some traditions used to call it, a human being.

  6. Thank you for posting this! I too am fortunate enough to know several Alpha Males…..they are wonderful!
    I love what you are doing!

  7. An alpha male doesn’t need to write an article describing himself, even though much of the content has merit….
    An alpha male just has to be one. Quietly….

  8. Pingback: #65: Body Image, Obesity Panic, Diet Hyperbole, Alpha Males ' Evil Sugar Radio

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