10 Signs You May Be a Narcissist

This post was inspired by some of the responses I saw to a Huffington Post article.

1. You’ve told a date that they need to change something about themselves to be attractive to you.

2. You think telling a date they need to change something about themselves to be attractive to you is normal and appropriate behavior.

3. You believe that your date would unquestioningly make the changes you’ve prescribed, because you believe that being attractive to you is a priority to your date.

4. You’ve commented on a picture of someone you’ve never met with instructions on how they need to change themselves to be more attractive to you.

5. You think commenting on a picture of a stranger with instructions on how they need to change themselves to be more attractive to you is normal and appropriate behavior.

6. You believe that the stranger in the picture values your opinion and desires your approval.

7. You believe that your opinion on the appearance of others is the standard, and that it represents popular opinion.

8. You present your opinion as fact: “Muscles on women are ugly”, “Long hair on men is disgusting”, “Blue is the best color”, rather than “I find muscles on women unappealing”, “I don’t find long hair on men attractive”, “Blue is my favorite color”.

9. You’ve contacted a business, restaurant, author, blogger, teacher, public personality or other entitiy to tell them they need to change the way they run their business/restaurant/website/class/etc because it doesn’t work for you the way it is.

10. You’ve complained to and expected a community or group to change in order to serve your individual needs.

Source: Google Search

Source: Google Search

20 thoughts on “10 Signs You May Be a Narcissist

  1. I recently went on a date with a guy that told me I was too “large-framed” for him and to have more success with men in general I really need to lose weight. He then started to question my actual weight, diet, and workout schedule– and also question if I could really effectively participate in the activities I had mentioned I enjoyed (running, biking, swimming etc.). Please note– this guy was not exactly lean and mean himself (which I did not even think about or consider until his personal attack). I am a runner that has fell off the wagon but have been running again to get back on track for participating in endurance events. My brain knew that it was more his issue than mine– but critiques like this are really hard to shake. I could not even bring myself to run for a few days because I felt so dejected and self-conscious about my appearance. I am still afraid to date!

    • Ugh! Well, just so you know, there are plenty of large framed women who both run AND have success with men. You certainly don’t need to change yourself to be successful with men, simply find them men who appreciate the qualities you embody! And they exist, they really do. And they will love you for who you are, regardless of the shape your body takes on any given day.

    • Some men think they get a free pass on appearance but that their visual preferences are unquestionable. I hate that.

    • Miss GV – You are not “too large framed”; You are just right! You are good enough. You are beautiful. And anyone who thinks less of you is missing out on what a truly amazing person you are. 🙂

      Small minded, negative people can easily be shaken off because they deter from your happy. He’s water off your back…. no go run, feel good, have fun, be happy. That’s all that matters 🙂

  2. have to disagree with part of #9. I think letting a business know that their policies could be seen as unreasonable ( I had a run/in years ago over a “no kids meals to go” rule in a local mom and pop place) may actually be helpful to them.
    This particular owner did not appreciate my input , to the point of rudeness. I used my option as a consumer not to eat ther again. But while I understand that a business does not have to change in response to customer feedback, they should always be open to it if they want to stay in business. For whatever reason, the place I had an issue with closed not too long after that.

  3. Oh my… thinking back on this, everyone I’ve ever dated or married has told me these things in one way or another. What the heck! And the common denominator is yours truly. Hmm…

  4. I’m large-framed and always have been-literally since toddlerhood. My fiancé thinks I’m beautiful and tells me so all the time. He also told me the other day that he’s so glad I eat like a boss and cook well, because it means he’ll have a better quality of life when we’re married.

    Find someone worth your time, because you are the crazy kind of lovely that only happens once.

    • THIS: ‘Find someone worth your time, because you are the crazy kind of lovely that only happens once’. Brilliant! Sharing!

  5. What blew me away is his expectation that he could talk to her like that and that she would want to continue dating him. I would agree with your diagnosis, or at least think that he would be a terrible partner in a relationship.

  6. You’ve got that right. I grew up with one. Every day my existence was about changing that one thing about myself that would allow her to love me more/better. I spent until a year ago trying. I have gotten so much better in this past year and you have been a part of that. Amazing in one year how much you can turn your life around as well as your health.

  7. Sounds like my mother. I’m reminded of the time I sent her a picture of myself after running in my first 5k and her response was ‘Who is the fat person in the photo? I thought you said you lost weight?’ And then more recently she commented on my weight loss and said I looked good, but then the next day told my sister to tell me to lose more (she thought I’d take it better coming from my sister). And my mother wonders why I ignore her calls :p

    • Don’t allow her to even comment on your body. If she brings it up, tell her straight out that is no longer have that conversation with her. Of course she’ll act all put off, but you’ll feel better. Tell your sister to do the same. If she won’t, tell her you’ll no longer have that conversation with her either.
      It’s sick and to be apart of it, puts you in the middle of the sickness.
      My mother spent her whole life pitting me and my siblings because that was the only relationship she had. So sick. Amazing though how those messages radiate in our heads, even if you know better.

    • Are we sisters? Fortunately, the mom has mellowed a bit, but at almost each of the points above, I thought “that’s my mom!”. And while I don’t put up with that shit today, she did a lot of damage to me that she’s not at all capable of understanding. I’m rather short-tempered wrt her, these days.

  8. I love it! It seems like some of these items could be on a list called, “10 signs you are actually insecure”. I think people who behave this way also use it as a defence against areas of themselves where they feel ashamed.

  9. Happened to me, too! First serious boyfriend: We were at the supermarket checkout and I (a little insecure about my body) showed a cover with a curvaceous woman, very much like me, and asked: “What do you think of her, isn`t she pretty?”, to which he replied: “nah, too big for me”.

    After a while, I was going to move cities and he said he wouldn’t do long distance because “it would be a waste of his thriving young man sexuality to wait all those weeks for sex” and later, to put the cherry on top said “we shouldn’t have seen each other in mundane situations (like in the loo or whatever) because it takes the charm and mistery out of the relationship”.

    He did me a favour breaking up with me as my husband is infinetly better. I wonder how it went for him, having to deal with his pregnant wife puking and what not. I’m sure he was charmed…

  10. I dated a man like this for a while myself. It wasn’t until the relationship ended that the dawn of realization hit me. I was fine and had been the whole time!

    He, on the other hand… well let’s just hope that whoever he ends up with is either not as gullible as yours truly; or feels that her whole purpose in life is to succumb and suck up to whatever line of BS he’s spewing. If that’s the case, then they were truly made for each other.. HA! I also hope they live in a house with enough mirrors… 😉

    • You and me both!!! I only realized after dating my ex how narcissistic he was (incredibly insecure though). He told me what my ideal weight should be one time, how I should wear my hair. He was a complete jerk. I don’t think the worst women in the world deserves his crap.

  11. I do date a narcissist. I don’t know if he’s been diagnosed as one, but those are all things he does. I think when we first met I was more open to trying to please him and felt that I “wanted to be a better person” with him giving me tips. I still love him and we’re still together, but I don’t allow him to “fix me” and I always put the brakes on when he starts assessing random people. He’s a good guy overall and my independence and strengths allow me to maintain my positive sense of self and my self-esteem. Knowing he’s a narcissist actually helps me be a little more compassionate with him as well.

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